I hate everything: Racisim, and how it works.

If you came here expecting herp-dilly derps galore, and mostly comedy, you came to the wrong place.

Shits going to get deep, Yo.


I hate everything, if you couldn't tell that already.

However, there are some things I hate more than others. To clarify, here's a small chart.

1: Puppies.
2: Unicorns.
3: Baby Laughter.
4: Dogs.
5: Cats.
6: Your face.
7: Your mom.
8: Your mom's face.
9: Politics that I can't make fun of
10: People against discrimination that, in attempting to thwart discrimination, cause discrimination.

I'm going to be talking about number 10 today: The thing I hate the most.

Everyone has causes. I recently signed up for causes on The Facebooks, such as "Join this group to stop drunken fathers from beating small boxes of brain-eating aliens that make people understand common sense."

Okay, not really, but it sounded good. I may have to start that one.

Anyway, what I'm getting at is that people often to see the long-range consequences of their actions: That is to say, take a look at the following situation I recently heard a friend suggest:
"Well, us black people are always offended by you white people, so we should make a bar or something that only black people can come in."

Time for another vocabulary lesson, kids.

Discrimination, when talking about a service: The refusal of a service based on race, sex, or religion, or any other belief, lifestyle, etc that a person may or may not have.

That is to say, racism works both ways. Even though a majority won't want to hear it, racism, sexism, intolerance of all kind works both ways.

"Why can't people realize this, Alex?"

To put it simply: Non-Racist people can't realize that discrimination works both ways because of racism.

Am I saying everyone is racist? No. I'm saying that its a natural, instinct to put the race that we're from on a pedestal. It has been for years, in hundreds and thousands and millions of species. Just like we put ourselves on top. Just like lions are superior to house cats.

The only issue is that lions will maul a house cat to death to prove this point. We, as humans, won't. That, and we may be the only species where all our different types actually are balanced. We all have our strength and weaknesses- as individuals. No one race has any other trait better than another race, and no one is weaker than other races.

However, due to instinct, we all see ourselves better than others: Because we all strive to be. Every person in the world can act as their own country: Vying for power- physically, politically, in any way- for more allies in friends, for more money, for better cars to prove we're better than our enemies, and even friends.

Because in nature, we're all animals. We all want to be the superior animal. We want to be the top dog, the alpha male. Thustly, we put ourselves on a pedestal.

And when defined by race, we put ourselves in a pedestal. Because that's how the world works.


And finally, we look to small periods of time; to truces where the world works better than other times. Where everyone understands this law. Holidays mark these times; and we manage to control it, for the most part.

But when that ends, its right back to the mill of secretly, sub-consciously hating everyone that isn't us.

And that's why I hate everything, because its instinct.

So here's to another new year of bringing you the biggest derpity-derp things that enter my mind, and tings that just generally rub me the wrong way;

Alex Stevens, signing off until 2011. Hugs and Kisses.

I'm just kidding. Kicks and punches.

Rant 3: How to Force Religion down peoples throat.

I've decided I'm going to start treating everything like most religions treat themselves. That is to say, sitting myself on a glorious throne of obvious double standard, but threatening people with eternal amounts of pain if they point out the double standard.

For example, every day conversation will go like:

ME: I like McDonald's.
PERSON: I prefer Burger King.
ME: Oh my Big Mac! Heretic! You'll burn in a sea of round tater-tots for that heresy!
PERSON: Uh. I'm going to move over here n-
ME: Oh, moving because I prefer McDonald's, Eh!? That's discrimination!
PERSON: I, whoa-
ME: Excuse me, I have to go give a pile of Whoppers freezer burn, and burn down an in-construction Burger King.
PERSON: But you just yelled at me for des-
ME: Shut up, I'm better because my government says so.
PERSON: ...

Now, any sane person would have maced me by the fourth sentence. Why doesn't this concept apply to religion? It seems like every single bit of it is riddled with hypocrisy and double-standards.

And you know what they say. If it smells like rotten chicken, looks like rotten chicken, and tastes like rotten chicken, its probably rotten chicken. The same method applies to hypocrisy. And double standards. And other rotten meat-based product.

Another analogy is the infamous "Well their religion is violent because they cause terrorism!" . This one has been especially inflamed with the recent 9-11 Mosque debates, along with other Mosque buildings.

Time for another "Learn your Words", class!

Terrorism is: The calculated use of violence against civilians in order to attain goals that are political or religious or ideological in nature; this is done through intimidation or coercion or instilling fear.

I wish I could draw Venn Diagrams on Blogger, I really do. But a List is the next best thing.

CHRISTIANS:
Have their government's
support (For the most part,
even though most won't
come right out and say it.)
Preformed violent crusades for 200 years against the Islamic Faith.

BOTH:
Burn down religious buildings.
Burn religious books.
Burn images of the opposing religions prophet.
Have caused years of violence and bloodshed in the past, present, and probable future.

MUSLIMS:
Generally have their government's support in book burning.
Were beaten and discriminated by Christians during the Crusader Possession of The Holy Land between 1095 and 1291. However, this was technically the Catholic Church's doing, but at this time period the Catholics and Christians are somewhat like two religions in the same house, arguing about toppings on pizza. Or, a lot of Christians today are confused about their own religion, because all of the ones I know boast about how they "Totally kicked their ass in the Crusades."

In short:
Both religions have been A-holes to each other since the dawn of time, and will probably continue to be. Until one can be the bigger man and say "Hey, our religion's biggest areas are on virtually opposite sides of the globe. Why not just.. stop violently fighting each other?"


Granted, the other will probably burn down that ones village or draw a picture of his prophet, and then the whole thing starts all over again.

I'm developing a new religion. Werewolf in Londoianity. We sit around and watch 80's horror movies, and then attack people who prefer 00's horror movies about why ours is better.
We frequently burn copies of the new Halloween movie.

Rant 2: HOW I SPEAKY DA ENGRISH?

Okay. You're planning a trip to Italy. You're getting your baggage together, checking plane tickets, and got the Rosetta Stone: Italian, or even scheduled group Italian classes, if you're really into it and don't want bare-minimum communication.

Or if you're planning to live there.

Now here's how the average foreigner decides to move to the US.

"Clothes, Plane Tickets, My Own language because America is supposed to be a cultural crock-pot and I'm sure everyone over there speaks the same language as I do. Derp. Derpity-derp Herp."

So they fly over, step out of the airport, and then...

Babble away at someone for five minutes in their language, asking how to get somewhere. Then yell at us in their language for being rude for not telling them.

"But ALEX, EVERYONE DESERVES FREEDOM."
No. No one deserves freedom. Just like none of us deserve to live here, rather than North Korea. Living here is a Privilege.

For the group that will inevitably start screaming on my blog / whining at me in real life that living here is a Right, lets think for a moment.

A privilege is enjoying access or ability of something that others don't or can't.

A right is something that, morally or legally, is supposed to be supplied to someone.

We are not morally or legally bound to let anyone that wants in the country in.

And don't get me started on the ones that get jobs.

There should be a new law in the US. If a manager has a choice between hiring a person that doesn't speak English, or a English-speaker, they should be required to pick the GOD DAMN ENGLISH SPEAKER.

Unless its a doctor, or something important. Fast Food workers would be the good majority that this law applies to.

Now, before people start screaming about how I'm racist, and shouldn't live here if I don't like merging of culture.

Not so. I love other culture, I love Japanese culture, I love Spanish culture, and I have a special place in my heart for foreign food and ways of art. But its the Merging part these people seem to be having a trouble with.

I'm okay with cultural pride. Except when your Culture refuses to let you learn any other language, or do things extreme in normal society; IE, and this is just a top of the head thing, a fresh-off-the-boat Iraqi immigrant falling to the ground in prayer. When someone falls to the ground, its our natural reaction to panic.

I don't care if you pray. Just do it in a damn church. Mosque. Elvis Presley's Pray 'n Pay. Don't care, just not in the middle of the sidewalk or restaurant, please.

Now note, this isn't just for those of the Muslim faith. If I see you on your hands and knees, I don't care if your Christian, Jewish, Islam, Old Egyptian Gods, Wiccan, or whatever.

But if you're on your hands and knees praying to your believed power, I'm going to step on you in the Buffet Line. Or wherever else you happen to be praying. That, or steal your stuff while you're praying to Jeebus/Mohammad/Anubis/The Great Ancient Dog of Ancient Ancientness.

Rant Over.

The First Rant:: Unbound Crotchfruit & Bowlingballs

Hi. I'm Alex. If you can't tell by the title of the blog, I am a pessimistic person. Often, I go into long-winded rants about nothing, and no one listens.

But in the Blogoshpere/Blogotriangle/Blogotrapazoid/ Whatever shape the 'Blogo' has taken now a days, I can go into long-winded rants about nothing, and as long as I make it somewhat entertaining, everyone listens.

So, now that we know plenty about each other, or, rather, you know plenty about me, lets get into the first rant.

Unbound. Crotchfruit.

For those of you that aren't slang savvy: Crotchfruit. Noun, Proper. A slang derogatory term for a child under 10. If coupled with 'Unbound', this means a Crotchfruit that has a Guardian nearby, but the Guardian is failing at taming its terrible creation.

Second. I love bowling, its one of the few physical activities I can thoroughly enjoy, along with Soccer. But it often pisses me off when I mis-throw because of the aforementioned Crotchfruit.

Imagine this, Bowlers: You're lining up, 13 pound ball capable of turning small child-head into a pulp and throwing pins around.

You cock your arm back, you take the steps; you can feel it, its going to be a strike. You start to le-

GOD DAMN IT.

BOOM. One of the little Crotchfruit has wandered into your lane; or close enough to throw you off by being in your peripheral, and your bodies natural instinct is to not ignore it and just send it sailing down the lane to be part of your bowling miracle. You twist your wrist; sending pain shooting up it, and your ball clomps into the ground, wiggles a moment, and then slooowly rolls into the gutter.

The Kid laughs at you, and then wanders back to go make things sticky/gross. You don't say anything; you'd probably get yelled at for bullying him if you said anything to him. But surely the parents must say something!

They don't. Of course they don't. They're far too busy to be good influences on their children; WHY, WHO WILL PLAY ANGRY BIRDS IF THEY DON'T? Good god, the horror.

Eventually, they notice their child is missing, and panic. However, not to fear, they can see it now; harassing another group of people that are desperately trying to find its parent so they can go home.

People like this should be punched in the face. Or forbidden to breed.
We need to develop a machine that will tell what kind of parent you will be. If you are one of these, NO CHILDREN FOR YOU. EVER.

Got it? Awesome. So, the moral:
If you can't watch your crotchfruit, don't pollenate the flower. Or next time, I'll ignore that instinct, and your child will become known as "The Rollin' Thunder; the only kid to take 10 pins in a fight and win with nothin' but a bowlin' ball."


Tune in next time for Rant 2: HOW I SPEEKY DA ENGRISH?