Scene kids are, by definition:
"Obnoxious bitches that make Alex want to punch them in the face, burn them with a Torch, and stomp on their stomach until they cry and renounce their ways."
(Okay, that may only be my definition. It's still true.)
So, on today's Safari, we're going to examine a Scene kid. I sent a good friend out onto the field. We found only his journal:
6:00 AM: The scene kid Wakes up, and promptly applies as much Abecrombie and Finch cologne as he can without making himself tear up. He promptly considers how god damn Rad and Rebellious he is, not using Hollister cologne like everyone else.
9:00 AM: After three hours of doing jack-shit, The scene Kid wanders down stairs to fetch food. He promptly tells his mother how 'Conformist and Sheeple' she is for eating something that came from an animal.
He promptly eats a Bagel. Made with Egg Whites. Spineless Parent fails to point out this irony. I make note to do so for her when I am running over the Scene animal later.
11:00 AM: From 9:15 AM - 11:00 AM the Scene animal spends time on his looks. He looks something that just had a flailing fit of rage in a Tacky Clothes store. His jeans are so tight, I can tell everything in his pockets from glancing at him. He met his Dog outside. I mean Girlfriend.
She also has a horrible Spray Tan. I am frightened, for if I am discovered, I may be eaten, or worse.
2:00 PM: My God. They've been in Hot Topic for hours.
4:00 PM: So hungry.
6:00 PM: they are never leavi--
The journal of our Field Reporter ends here.
I am unsure what happened. But I am terrified.
I later caught up with a Scene Kid, and asked her if she had ever heard 'The Beatles'
She responded as below.
"Whats The Beatles?"
I responded as any sane man would. With a swift back-hand and a demand back to the kitchen. She cried a lot, but I'm sure it was just tears of joy with being enlightened. One of her sissy-friends tried to man-slap me, but I kicked him in the nuts and ran. I'm pretty sure the tautness of his pants made one pop.
The good news is, we can all understand the fact that Scene Kids do have a weakness. Any sign of physical violence will make them cry, call you a 'Violent Sheeple' and run to their Dads. Who, if they have a spine, will punch them in the face if they're male, and tell them to get a job. If they're female, their mothers will do this.
For the sake of Political Correctness.
On another note, before I leave you all. If another person tells me 'OH MY GOD LOL OBAMA'S BIRTH CERTIFICATE IZ FAEEEEEK' , I will punch them in the testicles. You have been warned. Just because he sucks as a President, doesn't make his Birth Cirtificate fake.
Herp.
